When Does It End?

I think a lot of folks out there wonder how we are and when we will "be over" our grief.  I don't say this thinking that people are rushing us or thinking:  will they ever stop talking about Ethan and move on?  But I think there are people out there that haven't gone through such a significant loss, or perhaps have never known anyone close that has died, which makes it hard to understand our pain.  We will NEVER be over losing Ethan--ever--until we are united in heaven (and I pray that God chooses for us to go to heaven).  We will always miss Ethan, we will always talk about him and wonder what he could have grown up to be, and we will always love him.  However, with a great quantity of time and the grace of God, we will heal as best as we can,  and perhaps not hurt as badly.  But I really don't think that one could ever, ever get over losing a child (or a dear loved one).

I want to let you all know from my perspective this:  THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT, "RHYME OR REASON," *RIGHT/WRONG WAY TO GO ABOUT GRIEVING, ETC.  I emphazise this, because over and over again we are told that you will be shocked, numb, mad/angry, sad, depressed, etc.  While these emotions occur, they do not occur in any particular order, nor do they occur in a clean and clear cut fashion.  These emotions come out of nowhere and can last for minutes, hours, days weeks, etc.  And the same emotion can re-visit you over and over again.  One day you are feeling pretty good and think, wow...I can get past this.  It won't be so bad.  And then...BAM, the emotions tear you apart once again.  This has been my personal experience in the past seven months of grieving.  Then there will be longer periods of time where you are "okay" and then periods of time where you're not okay.  I call these rests from grief a gift from God.  He's allowing us to simply rest from the intense emotional toll that grief takes on one's body and mind. 

While we are all "okay" at the moment, I cannot answer for you when the grief ends.  I really don't think it does end, you just learn to live with it and find meaning in your new "normal" life.  I've also realized that if we find the good in the loss (and believe me, it's hard sometimes), we can be a blessing to others in their time of need or tragedy.  We can choose to feel defeated and punished by God, or we can say:  Okay Lord, I don't always agree with you taking my son (or whomever your loved one is), but I pray You will give me wisdom and help me to process through this.  I pray you will keep the enemy at bay and give us favor.  I pray that I can be a blessing to others because of this tragedy. 

We can believe God's truth and promises, or we can be deceived by the enemy's lies...and the enemy wants to tear the bereaved apart, but when we stand firm on the firm foundation of God's Word, he carries us and gives us rest.

I want to emphasize also that you cannot skip grief.  It's not an option.  One MUST walk through it to process and not go through the rest of life with a chip on their shoulder, or unresolved anger.  I'm not writing this to be mean, ugly or cruel.   I just want you you to know that it's okay to grieve.  God gave us those tears, and they certainly are therapeutic!   It's certainly okay, male or female, to cry and to talk about the loss. 

I'm going to put this out there:  if you are grieving,  and need someone to talk to, I am here for you.  Also look to your church, or a local church that you trust. Most pastors are well trained to handle grief, and who better to speak with than a man who is trained in God's Word.  Another great resource is:  http://www.griefshare.org/  A fantastic non-profit organization that has been a blessing in my grief journey!

*Just a note on there's not a wrong way to grieve...if you find yourself suicidal, leaning on drugs or alcohol, etc. to get through the grief and pain, then you need to get professional help ASAP!  Please, please seek help.

On a Happier Note...

I've started quilting as a hobby to keep my mind occupied when I'm not occupied by my wife and mother duties. :o)  Which leaves me with not so much time to quilt...but I'm blessed to have a supportive husband and son that like the fact that I'm back at the sewing machine.  :o)

With that said, I'd like to let my fellow quilting and sewing friends in on a SPECTACULAR giveaway!!!  http://thepolkadotchair.blogspot.com/2011/01/win-copy-of-fresh-fabric-treats-fat.html

Please visit the above blog of lovliness to check out Moda's latest giveaway.  You won't be disappointed!

For His Glory

I am convinced that all of life's happenings--good, bad, happy, sad, tragic, miraculous, etc.--are for His glory.  I do not, however, think that God wills a child to die unexpectedly.  It all goes back to the Garden of Eden, where Eve sinned and fell short of the glory of God.  Ever since then, we've carried that sin and have lived in a fallen world...but, Jesus saved us and gave us a way to live forever with Him.  It's because of this fallen world that tragedies, diseases, and a multitude of other events in life occur.  The part where I believe that God comes into play is that He either intervenes in a way we can see (a miracle, saving someone, curing someone, ), or He is silent and doesn't intervene.  And yet still, I believe if He doesn't provide the miracle or outcome we think is correct, if we will be still and listen to Him and wait, we will see that in the end it is for His glory, NOT ours.  However, in the end, it all ends beautifully.  What could be more glorious and wonderful than living in heaven? 

In writing this, I hope that my family and I can continue to see ( and we have seen His glory in the past few months)  HIS glory be done through Ethan's memory and precious life.  It's not easy, but it can be done if we will stop and be still.

Be still, and know that I am God;



I will be exalted among the nations,


I will be exalted in the earth!  Psalm 46:10

Just Randomness

Thanksgiving, Ethan's Birthday, Christmas, and New Years Day have come and gone.  And you know what?  We survived it, though I'm not going to say without tears and heartache, but we did survive.  We had no idea what to expect, as no one does until you actually live that day or moment.  It (the holidays) were by every stretch of the mind, difficult, differet, somber, etc.  Through it all, Ethan's presence was with us--he was smiling down from heaven. :o)

Now we are in 2011, but as I've stated before, the turning over to a new calendar doesn't change things, make things "magically" change and start over brand new.  It's just a reminder that time keeps going by faster and faster despite the fact that you are still aching inside. 

There's not much new to update around here, but I think that's good.  Evan is overall doing well, though he has his moments still quite often (moments as in terribly missing Ethan).  He's enjoying the new family dog (more like a human, LOL) Peaty.  They go out even in the teens and 20 something degree weather and chase and atagonize one another.

Josh is busy with his work, his car hobby, being a great husband and father.  He is also taking up a wood-working hobby so that he can make me pretty stuff for our house.  It's good for him to keep busy.

I'm trying to teach myself how to sew and keep my mind preoccupied when it's not preoccupied with breaking up fights between Evan and Peaty (LOL).  Other than that, I'm kind of in my "cave" right now just processing the past almost seven months.

We as a family, found our new home church rather quickly.  We've been attending since late August, and we really feel welcome and loved.  It's quite different from our Las Vegas home church in that it's much, much smaller, and we sing hymns.  Oh how I love hymns! 

I thinks that's it for now.  This was a random post since it's almost 4am and I have insomnia.

A Year to Remember

As most others make resolutions for 2011, and plan ways to "ring in the new year," I am not making resolutions, nor am I celebrating 2011.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be alive and see another year, but I'm not ready to say a final goodbye to 2010.  Most would think that given this very difficult year, I would be ready to say a big SEE YA!  I'm not ready to say farewell.  This is the last year we had with Ethan.  He was with us the first five months of this year, and we've grieved losing him ever since.  I suppose in a sense, I'm just not ready to move on, and that's okay.  It's only been less than seven months since Ethan passing, and that's still (in my mind) just as if it happened yesterday.  I don't see or believe in any way that switching to a 2011 calendar is going to heal us overnight, or make it any easier.  I'm not a pessimist by nature, and I'm not trying to be pessimistic--but I'm being REALISTIC.  Our reality is that this grief journey is long.  But it's what's necessary, and God understands.  After all, He created us, and He knows us intimately.

I suppose rather than resolutions I have some wishes.  One huge wish is that more people would come to know Christ, and make Him front and center (numero uno) in their lives!  Another wish is that we would all take baby steps as a nation, to be less self-centered and more focused on others and their needs.  Myself included in this--we are such a privileged yet overly entertained, overly materialistic society.  I just wish we could each make some sacrifices to help out others who need a meal, some clothes, love, a home, etc. 

While I do wish you all the very best of blessings and a happy 2011, I urge you all to cling to God's word.  Without Him, I have no clue where my family and I would be in this difficult time.  Are you unsure where to begin?  If you've never read the Bible, it may be difficult to just jump right in and read.  I really encourage you to find a good, Bible-based church.  Perhaps join a Bible study group.  You can also shoot me an email or call...I'd love to chat about God (though I am by no means a theology major, nor do I have all or half the answers), and encourage you along the way.

In memory of Ethan, let us not forget Proverbs 3:5-6, and The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). 

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Matthew 7:12

**When writing this post, I was thinking of the picture taken of Ethan holding the sign Josh made. :o)

Ethan, Merry Christmas!

Ethan, hug Jesus for us and have the best Christmas ever!  It's not the same without you, but deep down in our hearts we know that you are home...your real home.  Where all believers want to be, long to be, and will be one day when the Lord calls us (of course if we live for You).  Ethan, thank you for being such a true example to us.  A true testimony to what being a Christian is and should be.  Thank you Lord for giving Josh and I such a wonderful son, and Evan a loving brother.  This is a difficult time indeed.  Such a hard year, yet such a joyous year at the same time.  Prior to June 5th life was basically great.  Great memories were made, and shall remain stored forever in our hearts.  For that we are grateful, because there are so many that long to have children that never get that chance.  And yet some have children, but for only hours, then they have to say goodbye.  Thank you Jesus, that Ethan was ours here on earth for over seven years.  Thank you Jesus that you are now taking better care of him than we could ever imagine! 

My heart and thoughts are with those too who have lost a child, and are missing them this Christmas.  The loss of a child really does take a piece of your soul away, but it also can make us stronger and more compassionate people if we will listen to Him and follow His will for our lives.

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

Son, You Keep Teaching Mommy

I'm am amazed how Ethan still teaches my family and I (and I'm sure many others who were touched by him) many valuable lessons.  I was sitting here, reviewing a sermon from a couple Sundays ago about: Are You A Practicing Christian?  I was re-reading over some scripture, and realizing that in my 32 years on this earth, I have a long way to go before I am "there."  Ethan WAS "there." 

Ethan had talked about how he couldn't wait to go to heaven.  He has been saying this for over a year before his passing.  I would look at him and think to myself, WHY?  Life is pretty dandy here on earth, and why be in such a rush?  But now I am starting to get it...slowly, but surely.

You see, in the scriptures it reads:  Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world.  If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1John 2:15-16 (KJV)

The wise advice given in 1John is so true.  When we get caught up in all the world offers in the way of materialistic things, and what the world says will make us happy, we have this void.  I've felt it, and I'm sure that many of you out there have too.  It's as though something vital is missing, and no amount of stuff you buy will make that void disappear.  How many of you have gone and bought some particular item that you were so excited to get, and then find yourself either not using it within days/weeks/months, OR you just lose interest in it?  That's because the things of this world will never fill that void.  Only He fills that void!

Here I've been loving this world and all of the materialistic things it offers, while my son who was so young just wanted to go home to heaven and be with his Heavenly Father!  Ethan truly knew what loving God was...I have a long way to go.

I pray that in the busyness of the holiday season, that we will all take time to reflect on what is most important.  It's not the presents, it's not parties, it's not any of that stuff that the world has dictated is important.  It's about loving one another, and thanking the Lord for the gift of Jesus Christ.  It's my hope that this Christmas, if you haven't accepted Christ into your heart and home, that you would consider it.  He has sustained us beyond what anyone could imagine, despite such terrible circumstances.  We would NOT be where we are today with out the hope and love of Christ.

Merry Christmas!