Is Blogging My Ministry?

The more and more time I pray and seek what God would have me do, the more I feel compelled to blog more and Facebook much less or not at all.  I feel that my family's story, which is among the millions of those that have lost a child, IS important, and it IS for the Lord's glory.

Ethan passed away almost 22 months ago in a tragic accident.  Does the day to day get easier?  That is a difficult question in which I had answered no.  You see, grief does "lift" more often, and there are more good than bad days...most of the time.  However, Josh or Evan or I can have a really spectacular day and then, BAM...emotions come flooding through.

This past Friday at swim lessons (Evan had been enrolled for almost a year now) Evan had another crying episode.  Now I must applaud my son, not to be boastful.  But he sure is one brave young man!  He had been doing so well that he was almost ready to "ring" to the next level.  Over the past three months give or take, he has struggled.  But anyway, back to last Friday morning, he started to cry.  Apparently, one of the little boys in his class told to stop being so whiny/babyish, and poor Evan told him that he's scared because his brother drowned in a pool.  Evan tells me all of this while we are in the dressing room after his lesson.  And then, and this is the heart/gut wrenching/tearjerker:  Evan tells me that his heart isn't the same since Ethan died, and that it feels like it has broken into a million pieces.  My heart sank and I began to cry, and of course, my compassionate son asked me why I was crying.  Huge sigh.  And then he tells me he wants a baby so bad so he can have another brother, or a sister.  Son, I pray for that, and so do many others. 

Not getting pregnant is another struggle for me.  I had sort of found a place of contentedness over the course of the past few days and then this happens last week, among some other things that have triggered my emotions.  I don't understand why Ethan died, why we haven't gotten pregnant after trying for about a year.  The only thing I do know is God has a plan.  It's a good plan, and I need to seek Him, not friends or books or Facebook or anything else but only Him.  He knows the future, and in that future it's all for His glory.  If only I could get my stubborn flesh past my emotions, which are all over the place at times. 

Now back to the title of my blog, which as you have read, hasn't seemed at all to relate to what I have written.  The future that I see is to do more writing, for His glory.  Writing about our grief journey, homeschooling and curriculum we use and what we think, and anything else the Lord lays upon my heart.  And of course, a family update here and there and some pictures of our adventures.

I pray that if my blog has been of any blessing whatsoever to you, that you would kindly tell others who might benefit from what I write.  Thank you in advance for the consideration!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected (hope in your latter end) end.  Jeremiah 29:11

Happy 6th Birthday, Evan!

Evan turned six years old yesterday!  Praise the Lord!!!

He was born around 0630 at Lackland AFB, TX and he weighed in at 7lbs. 4oz (the same as his mommy and his big brother Ethan), on 21 Oct 2005.

Little did I know how different this little guy would be from his big brother.  How naive I was...thinking ALL babies were the same!  Let's just say that this sweet boy was momma's challenge.  Little did I know why this would end up being a wonderful quality!

I remember when Evan was around 6 months old (and crawling) he found a Glade Plug in scented oil doo hickey.  Yeah, by the time I realized he had it, he was trying to ingest the liquid!  YIKES!!!  From that moment on, life changed forever because:  a.  child-proofing wasn't needed with Ethan,  b.  Evan broke through child-proof barriers before big brother,  c.  Evan had quite the "where there's a will, there's a way"  attitude.

I will not lie, I questioned God many times why He would give me such a challenging child!  Of course, I've always loved my Evan, equally the same as my Ethan.  But of course, I was about to pull my hair out at times because Evan was almost always a step or two ahead of momma! 

Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, and the answer occurred to me...God knew that Ethan would leave us at a young age to be with Him.  He knew that to keep the laughter and life alive in our home, we would need a strong leader and energetic child to keep us sane.  I thank the Lord (and I know Josh does too) for this ball of energy called Evan!  He is kind, sweet, godly, thoughtful, ornery, very active, inquisitive, busy-bodied, rambunctious, helpful, an initiative taker...and I could go on and on.  What I am trying to say is that what appears to us as a negative personality trait can indeed be a blessing in disguise.  We must find the positive in each situation.  God didn't make a mistake when He created rambunctious children.  It's up to us a parents to channel that energy into a positive.

I am thankful that the Lord blessed us with a child who is so vibrant and strong-willed! 

Happy Birthday Evan!!!  I love you so much. :o)

Hey Ya'll

Just wanted to say hi, and yes, I haven't blogged in a while.  I've written but haven't "published."  I suppose I am in my hermit hole and hiding out and choosing if and when I will share my deepest feelings. 

We are all doing well.  Two months ago we passed the one year anniversary of Ethan's journey to Heaven.  June 5th wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.  But towards the end of June I had a rough time of it.  Grief makes no sense!

We were blessed by all of my military sisters with a very special June Box.  The box arrived just as we moved into our new home here in Texas.  We/I had a gift to open every day in the month of June.  Though I appreciate each and every gift, the thought, love, tears, etc. put into the June Box meant more than anything!  These are precious women who love the Lord, and know it is better to give than to receive.  They know that love is important to shower on others in their times of sorrow and need.  Besides the love I get and receive daily from my husband and my boys, and of course, Jesus, I have never before felt so loved and cared for in my life! 

The house is coming along, slowly but surely.  Though it's a nice home and on some land, we did and still do have quite a lot of clean up to do.  There was a lot of neglect of the property, so we have a long way to go before the yard/property will be where we want it to be in terms of having a garden, pruned trees, green grass (oh this drought!), landscaping, paved drive-way, etc.

Evan and I started back to school mid-June!  He is a Kindergartner!!!  He is growing up so fast, and what a little man he is, and oh how he has a heart for the Lord!  He reminds us a lot of Ethan, and that warms our hearts.  Evan is very good with numbers and science.  His favorite sit down work is doing his phonics workbook, his math, and mommy reading stories.  He loves his new, huge backyard!  Evan is always on the lookout for bugs, geckos, birds and nests, etc.  He truly is a nature lover.

Evan has also been enrolled at a swim school for going on almost 3 months, and he is doing so well.  Please be in prayer for him as he learns to float on his back.  He is afraid to be on his back, but I really think once he conquers this fear and masters floating on his back, he will excel very quickly!

Also, please be in prayer as we continue the search for a new home church.  It isn't easy, but I know God is faithful! 

And lastly, my dear husband made this cabinet for me from scrap wood!  Didn't he do such an awesome job?  I am decorating my house in antiques with a country/primitive theme!  It has been fun to start over and change the look of my home, and I have acquired some cute items while I lived in Washington, and from some dear friends.
Thanks for reading my long novel!  I hope you are all happy and blessed and doing well!