Monday, November 29, 2010

Happy Birthday Ethan

I felt your presence on this beautiful, sunny day here in Texas. Your smile shown through the clouds, as beautiful sunbeams kissed the ground. Thank you God, for giving us such a beautiful day! Goodnight Ethan, I love you. I hope that you enjoyed the balloons that we released.

Love (hugs and kisses and a few tears),

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

God is Not Shocked...

While at my GriefShare group at church this past weekend,( we were talking about many things. But among the various topics, we talked about God not being shocked about our loved ones passing. That He wasn't "asleep" or "not in control" or "shocked" when they departed earth to heaven. While I had heard this from many thoughtful, loving friends shortly after losing Ethan, I hadn't internalized it and fully digested what it meant until a few days ago. It was as if the lightbulb turned on in my brain!

I know for certain, while reflecting back to the night of Ethan's passing, that God wasn't shocked about the nature of Ethan's passing, nor the short number of years he lived on earth. God was in control, but just because He didn't save Ethan and keep him alive--basically, a miracle didn't occur that night in the E.R., it doesn't mean that God didn't care. God in fact does know the number of our days on this earth. He isn't shocked at how or when we depart earth. And most importantly, He loves us and cares, EVEN when we lose a loved one. The fact that He didn't intervene certainly doesn't mean that He was punishing us. That's a hard concept to understand, and it's completely normal to not agree with God taking your loved one.

Now, reflecting back to the night that life was forever changed, June 5, 2010. I can say with 100% certainty, God wasn't shocked at Ethan dying. I know this, because if He were in shock, baffled, caught off-guard, etc., then why did He hold Josh and I so closely? Why did God calm my spirit and work through me so that I could comfort others? Why did God give me peace that surpasses understanding on that night? Why did He provide comfort that helped me to accept my son dying and going to heaven, so that I could say goodbye and leave that hospital without him? I can tell you why. Because He wasn't shocked! He knew what was to happen that day, how Josh and I and many others needed Him so much. He was and still is in control today, tomorrow, and always.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. -Hebrews 13:8

I cannot answer for you why things went the way they did on June 5, 2010. I do have a few ideas and possible revelations from God, but I'm not ready to share, and maybe I won't ever be. But I can assure you that God is still good, He is still love, and He is still in control. I can also tell you that from the many people that were touched by Ethan, their lives have changed in decisions to follow Christ.

Another day I will post on the topic of: Why Bad Things Happen to Good People. I know there are many loving people out there that do not understand how this could happen to us. Though I don't have the answers, I do want to write my thoughts and feelings.

Since his days are determined,The number of his months is with You; You have appointed his limits, so that he cannot pass. -Job 14:15