Happy 10th Birthday, Ethan!!!!

Ethan Joshua Wallace

Born:  November 29, 2002

0630 @ Lackland AFB, TX

weighing 7 lbs. 4 0z. & 21 in. long

Releasing Ethan's Birthday balloons at Ft. Sam Houston National Cemetery.

Yesterday was not as painful as I thought it would be.  We went to Ethan's grave and decorated, sang Happy Birthday, and released 10 orange balloons.  This is our tradition...the balloon releasing and being at his grave.  Then we partake in a dessert of some sort, watch the floating balloons, and then leave to go do something else as a family.

This is our the third birthday without Ethan.  If I've learned anything about anniversaries and birthdays, it's this:  DO NOT SIT AT HOME AND DO NOTHING!  Being out and about and having a plan on the anniversary of his passing and his birthday make it so much better.  

I actually felt happy yesterday.  And then I felt guilty for that.  My human brain and mommy heart thinks I shouldn't be happy on a day when my child should be here, and we should be celebrating another year with gifts, cake, and a fun outting.  But what I have learned is I can feel happy.  It's okay to be happy even though he is no longer with us to celebrate these important days.  

The prayers said by many, many friends and family certainly helped to ease our pain and, instead, leave us with a warmth of peace like no other that comes only from Jesus!

Happy Birthday, Ethan!!!  You are missed and loved by so many, but especially Mommy, Daddy and your best friend Evan. :)  Love you so much!

His Hands and Feet

Oftentimes in this life, we are called by God to do something completely out of our comfort zone.  This is where I am right now.  In just a few days, I will be doing something way out of my comfort zone.  Thoughts of fear paralyze me at times, and my heart starts to beat very fast.  

But today, I really grasped onto what the pastor had to say at church...and I started to feel at peace.  Oh yes, I have a long way to go to feel peace that surpasses understanding, because I am stubborn!

We are called to be His (Jesus') hands and feet.  Literally meaning, that we are a loving extension of who He was while He lived on earth.  That is the very essence of being a Christian.

And so, while I am completely uncomfortable with the adventure on which I am about to embark upon, I know that He is my protector.  That only He can bring me peace.  And I know that I am called to do what I will be doing.  Therefore, I must lay aside my fears and think of the mission, so to speak, that I will be going on.  Just like the flowers of the field that do not worry, I too can trust my Father to care for me!

More details about this later next week!  And hopefully, many photos and stories too!

 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

[Shannon1]