The Grief Process

Many text books on psychology, books on grief, and other materials give details on the grief process. There are about five steps that most scholars will say that people go through. The order in which one goes through them is all over the place. I am writing about this, because I am honestly smack in the middle of grief. It has almost been five weeks since Ethan passed, but it doesn't seem fathomable. It seems like just yesterday I said goodbye. Yet on the other hand, it feels like forever ago. I am sure to those of you out there this simply doesn't make sense--but in my mind, it does. I am also writing on this subject, because we all know that death in inevitable, and that one day we will all lose a loved one, and then perish ourselves. My intention isn't to scare anyone, or to worry anyone. My intentions are genuine, and that is to educate and be honest and open. As I write, this isn't easy. My heart aches, and I want to cry. This just doesn't seem fair. But I know life isn't fair, and I also know God knows better. Ethan is where he has always desired to be--with Him. But the flesh wants, the heart aches, and some days are just very hard.

Now, I would venture to say that most of you out there have lost someone close, such as a grandparent/parent or aunt/uncle or friend. I would also venture to say that many of you out there haven't (and thank God) lost a child. But I am fully aware that there are those out there that have, and you know my and Josh's pain. There is not doubt that the good Lord created the human emotion/state of being in shock. I thank the Lord that he put me into shock almost instantaneously after the accident. Shock, numbness, and the awesome strength of the Lord is what got me through those critical first days (as did the thousands of prayers, and supportive friends that love us). For about two weeks, I felt like I was not in my own body. It was a phenomenon of being in autopilot--simply just getting up and doing what had to be done, but not mentally being "all there." I was in a fog of sorts. People will tell me something, and I will almost always forget. It's not that I don't care, it's just that my mind simply is consumed by thoughts of my angel in heaven. With time, and the Lord's awesome healing power, I know we will find what is as normal as can be with a huge piece missing from our lives.

Overall, considering what we have been through, we are all doing well. But then some days are just so much harder. This move to WA will be good for all of us. We desperately need a fresh start away from here. We will miss all of our friends, our church home, and the near and dear to our heart places we went together as a family on a regular basis: Mt. Charleston, Red Rock Canyon, Spring Mountain Ranch, The Coffee Cup Cafe, Korean Garden, Lied Children's Museum, etc.

As of August 2010, Lord willing, we will officially be living in Washington State.

Remembering Ethan, Part I--Windchimes

Ethan was such a unique little man. He had many interests, but he would go through periods of time that he would focus on just one or two things...and that's all he talk about! For instance, when he was about four, all he wanted to play with and think about were windchimes. This lasted for over a course of the years--his interest in them would come and go. We would walk into a store, and within a few seconds, he would spot a windchime! It was so funny, thinking back on all of those times of untangling windchimes, and making them chime their pretty tune. But at the moment at hand, it sort of was annoying. Yes, I am being honest, and I feel so terrible looking back on it. We should have just smiled and gone along with it. Well, we did, but not always. Life is busy, and we tend to get in a rush and focus on what we are at the store for, not to stop and "smell the roses" along the way. We don't think in those terms, that our children could be taken from us at any given moment. But the truth is, they can. I am not trying to scare you. But I'm trying to be sobering, and to plead with you to make every moment count. When you find yourself in a rush, not wanting to stop and "smell the roses," think of Ethan. Think about your children and how precious they are, because...children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:3

It's What Ethan Would Have Wanted

A lot of people have wondered if we are still moving to Washington State since the tragic loss of Ethan. And to answer that--yes--we are still going forth with the move. Ethan was so excited about moving somewhere colder, with trees, and a lot of beautiful places to see. When I mean excited, I truly mean EXCITED!!! We feel it best to move on with our lives, just as it would have been if Ethan were still here with us. Some people may not understand that, and wonder how we can move and make so many changes with having such a great loss occur. Well, plain and simply...It's what Ethan would have wanted. It's also what we want as a family, and we need the change. God has great plans ahead for us in WA. :o)

In Memory of Ethan Joshua

Our oldest son, Ethan Joshua, passed away 5 Jun 10. He is missed by so many, but especially his little brother Evan, and his Mommy and Daddy. Losing a child is said to be the worst type of loss one could endure, and I do believe this to be true. It's as though a huge part of you is missing, and will never be replaced. It's only by the grace of God that we can get through this difficult time. God is amazing, as are our community of friends and family. I cannot fathom one going through such a loss, or any loss of that sort, without a personal relationship with the Lord. Am I witnessing? Why yes I am. That's what Ethan would have wanted, and I will do my best to honor his memory by being a witness and sharing my testimony. Ethan's passing was a tragedy. He was a healthy boy of 7, and what happened to us can happen to anyone--ANYONE. He drowned in a pool where adults were all around. There was plenty of supervision. It happened in the blink of an eye, and that's all it takes. The what- ifs plague our minds, but the comfort of the Lord and knowing that Ethan in safe in heaven gives us hope and comfort. I cannot describe the beautiful comfort that the Lord has given Josh and I. Because there is NO way I could have gotten through this as sane as I have without my Heavenly Father. He loves me. He loves you. He cares. He is good ALL of the time, and He knows what he is doing. It's just hard sometimes to let go and let God. It's easy to get caught up in the flesh and thinking about what could have been, when what we need to focus on is the here and now. Ethan is gone, but he isn't forgotten. We miss him every minute of everyday. If you get a chance, look up the following verses for us, and for the memory of Ethan: Proverbs 3:5, and Matthew 7:12. He exemplified both of these verses. In fact, a couple of days before he passed, out of the blue he said,"Mommy, I am going to take the straight path to God (as he pointed toward heaven)." This just warms my heart, knowing that a little boy of 7 was so in love with the Lord that he was ready to take the straight path to heaven. Are you?

So What's the Crab All About???

At this point, I hope I've gotten someone out there in cyber-space world to stop and read my blog! :o) "Why the crab pictures?," you are probably pondering at the moment. Did we go "crabbing" somewhere out in the ocean? No. Did I go to a market and take a picture of these creatures? No.

Okay, let me give you another clue. Here is a view of Mt. Rainier from Ft. Lewis, WA. Please note, I cannot take credit for these pictures. I located them on a couple of free websites on the internet...photographer unknown. Anyway, do you still have no clue? Okay, well I will let you in on what's been going on over at the Wallace household the past week or so. We received exciting news that we are moving to Washington State in either July or August! This is exciting news for us, as we are more than welcome to the idea of no longer living in the Las Vegas area. We left San Antonio exactly 4 years ago, and though we've met a lot of wonderful people and God has blessed us more than words can express...it's time to move on.

We will be in the Tacoma area, but we are unsure at this point if we will live in base, or if we will rent out in the suburbs until we find a home to purchase.

So why the crab pics? Well, we are huge fish eaters, and we are excited that we can actually go "crabbing" or whatever one calls it, once we've settled in WA. We have the huge market in Seattle at out disposal to buy some of the freshest fish ever, along with taking a day trip to Mt. Rainier. And that's just the beginning of the endless opportunities that WA will provide for our family.

We are stoked!!!

Visit Barb Over at the Handbook of Nature Study

http://handbookofnaturestudy.blogspot.com/2010/01/winter-series-of-outdoor-hour.html

Please visit Barb over at the Handbook of Nature Study. Barb pours a lot of time and love into her blog, and she is a true Charlotte Mason of the 21st century. While over there, you will notice she has some lovely eBooks for sale, which can enhance your homeschooling over these chilly winter months! And if you leave her a comment on her page, you will be entered to win one of her lovely new eBooks!

Happy New Year...and Prizes??? Oh my!!!

Happy 2010, my dear friends, readers, family, etc. !! It has been too long since I last posted about any homeschool or family events. The holidays consume so much time, but that's okay because the time consumed is well worth the fond memories made. :o)

More about those memories made in a future post. I must get the first day of school, 2010 started ASAP!!!

While you're taking a break, please hop on over to the new and improved, The Homeschool Classroom, at http://hsclassroom.net and check out their new website and enter to win some awesome prizes!!! Prizes include items from Math-U-See, Winter Promise, Nintendo, and more!!

Until next post, be productive, happy, joyful, and living in a way that's pleasing to our Lord. :o)