Trying to Count My Blessings

Today I've been really, really down.  Sad.  Hurting.  Missing Ethan.  Missing San Antonio.  Not wanting to be living where we presently live.  I've been pretty much negative all day. 

1. Loving Heavenly Father that loves me no matter my flaws, past sins, etc.  The One who held me ever so close the day I lost Ethan, Who kept me strong so I could witness to unbelievers in the midst of my tragedy...the One who holds Ethan in His Glory...where I long to be as well.  Thank you sweet Heavenly Father for being so good to me, my family, my friends, and for taking good care of my Ethan!  Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, to make the ultimate sacrifice.
2. Jesus dying on the cross so unselfishly.  Had it been me to face the cross, I probably would've backed down and taken the other option.  Jesus is special!  Jesus, God in the flesh who walked the earth, and who lived a beautiful testimony here on earth.  No other lived a blameless or pure life here on earth.  Thank You for your example in which I fall short of daily, sometimes hourly, etc.
3. Wonderful husband that has stuck with our marriage despite my shortcomings.  Josh has sacrificed throughout the years, and has always put his family first.  Not many men can say that!  Josh, I love you more and more everyday!  Thank you for holding me on those days when I just don't know if I can get out of bed and be "normal."  Thank you for being such a hard worker, for persevering through this hard year and still getting done what needs to get done!
4. Ethan--Where do I begin?  God gave us Ethan for 7 and a half FULL years!  Ethan changed my life forever the moment he was born.  I wanted to be a better person because I had become a mommy.  I wanted to truly do what was right--live for the Lord.  Slowly but surely, I have given my life to the Lord and have been forever changed!  Along the path, I learned from Ethan what loving others meant, to include others that often are neglected, and that only God matters first and foremost.  Now I'm learning to grieve in a Christ-like manner, and hope to minister to others in their time of loss...in due time.  Ethan, you emulated what most don't learn in a long span of life.  You shine the light of Jesus, and now you are with Him.  Mommy loves you always and forever sweet boy. :o)
5. Evan--Beautiful son, you keep me going each day, especially now that brother is gone.  You encourage Daddy and I.  The Lord speaks through you in so many ways...the amazing things that you say to keep our hearts from breaking too much.  You are loved so much!  One day you will make a beautiful bride so happy when you marry her and love her by showing the love of Christ.
6. Friends--Many friends over the years, from elementary school on up to middle and high school.  Friends in adulthood met at work, church, etc.  Military friends that come and go (but still keep in touch).  My sweet PWOC sisters!  Wonderful ladies that have been there through the thick and thin.  Thank you!  I wouldn't be as sane as I am without my friends to lean on.
7. Necessities--Food, clothing, a home, car, love, etc.  I've been blessed to never have gone without any of these things.  Things that many of us take for granted everyday.  Lest we forget that about 95% of the world lives in poverty, and never has a full belly.  Lord, I'm so sorry for my selfishness, my "more, more, more" mentality that I've bought into.  Please take me and make me Yours, not of this world.
8. USA--A beautiful place I'm proud to be a citizen of, and to live in my whole life!  A place that us Americans don't even begin to grasp how spoiled we are...in comparison to many other countries who are dirt poor.  Not that materialistic things are important, but look at the massive amount of food we have!  We are blessed beyond measure.  Thank you Lord.