2002...Think again

This past Sunday, I went to a church near my sister's house.  I'm sort of church hopping until we get settled into our new home out in the country.  It's really too far to drive from her house out there where we will live.  So the searching for a new church home will most likely wait until we are moved.

Anyway, Evan decided to go into children's church today.  Since we were guests, I had to fill out paperwork.  On that paperwork I had to obviosuly, include his date of birth.  I jotted that and all of the other information down.  The kind volunteer then looked the paperwork over and said,"So he's second grade, right?"  I looked at her sort of confused and said,"No, I put Kindergarten down, didn't I?" 

I had put the wrong date of birth.  I should have put 2005.  Instead I put the year as 2002--Ethan's year.  SIGH.

I apologized to the volunteer and explained I put my other child's year of birth.  She asked if I had another child (I'm sure so that they could add him to the paperwork).  My reply was yes, but he died.  Of course, the shocked looked ensued.  She asked how long ago, I told her almost a year ago.  Then I teared up...again.  Lately, I cannot think about Ethan or talk about him without tearing up.  At least, not when I am in these sort of situations.

Occurrances like that are upsetting.  I'm not mad or upset with the volunteer.  It's just another reminder that my son who I wish were here, isn't here any longer.  And once I tear up, my day just seems so long and mentally draining.  I get really tired, and my mood changes dramatically.  I went from excited to visit a new place to...down in the dumps.  The first half of church, I just wasn't feeling it.  I didn't want to praise God.  But my mood did get better about 30 mintues into the service. 

Knowing that the one year anniversary is literally around the corner, I think that my emotions, as well as Josh's, are scattered.  How could a year have already gone by?  It seems like just yesterday, yet it doesn't...