Our New School Year

Evan forming his clay pot.

Yes!!!  April 2, 2012 marked the start of a new school year for us.  We school year around, and so that is why Evan is advancing on to First Grade!

We have made some changes in curriculum.  For Kindergarten, we used Heart of Dakota's guide Little Hearts for His Glory.  We had fun, and Evan grew academically by leaps and bounds, but the Lord lead us back to My Father's World First Grade.  Ethan's first year of homeschool was first grade, and we used My Father's World. 

As I glance through the teacher's manual and Evan's workbooks and the storybooks we read with Ethan, it brings back fond memories of 2009-2010 when we were blessed by using My Father's World.  Ethan learned how to read so well with the solid phonics and reading program that is integrated within this beautiful program!

Day 1 MFW:  Excellent!  Evan didn't complain about the review (writing upper and lower case letters).  The day went smoothly and quickly.  We had so much time to go outside and explore and do some P.E. too!  Evan decided to make a house out of the pattern blocks. 

Day 2:  Interesting, to say the least!  We became totally distracted by a rattlesnake prowling in the pomegranate tree that literally touches our house!  Anyway, we would have been doing our MFW at around 0830, however, little man and I got into a discussion about trees and had a little debate about two of them in our backyard.  Of course, this caused us to go out back and look at the trees (little man totally outsmarted momma on both of the trees indeed being Southern Hackberry even though they look nothing alike--he was correct!).  While out there, Evan yells, "Mommy, there's a rattlesnake in the tree!"  Of course, I run away from the direction he is pointing at and scream.  For the life of me I cannot see that slithery sucker anywhere, and Evan keeps saying THERE, RIGHT THERE!  Well this not so keen eye- sighted momma can't see it RIGHT THERE!!! We go inside and Evan has an idea:  we should go to his bedroom and look out his window that is right by the pomegranate tree in which he spotted the snake.  We go to his room and I keep looking and looking and...oh yeah, right there wrapped around a branch is what looks to be a baby Western Diamondback!  YIKES!!!

Daddy comes home to the rescue to rid us of the crazy thing, but he slithered off somewhere and couldn't be found.  Hence, we are on "alert" around here.  There is hope that perhaps it was just a Kingsnake and not a rattler...hope!

Anyway, after Daddy left, we were on to our second day of MFW.  Another smooth day, and then we got to make our clay pots for our scrolls!  This brought back fond memories of making them back in 2009. 

You will see that I included pictures of yesterday and today, and pictures back from August of 2009. 

Ethan forming his clay pot back in 2009.  I miss you!

UPDATE:  We took off a lot more of the summer than we had anticipated due to a really awesome road trip we took up north to the Dakotas.  We started back a couple of weeks ago, and have slowly gotten into a pretty solid routine.  We are getting ready to plant a fall garden with seed from Baker Creek.  Fall gardening will be a huge part of our science this year, and will our Spring garden.

We are still using My Father's World first grade, and I will be adding in some extra projects.  One book we will be adding is The Young Man's HandyBook--Preparing Your Son on the Homefront by Mrs. Gail Kappenman and Mrs. Martha Greene.  This book is super neat, and truly is a book I think all mommas should complete with their sons (some project do require daddy's help).  I'm really excited to share the experiences with Evan.

Our extracurricular activities are still undecided.  We are going to continue with swim lessons, and perhaps do homeschool soccer or Cub scouts.  But I think with church and swim and school and gardening and field trips and chores...we will keep busy!  Happy school year to all out there, whether you homeschool or your children go to public or private school!

The boys working hard on their clay pots--2009.

Evan, only 3.5 at the time!  He has grown so much!

Evan today, growing so fast!

Faith-Filled Fridays

I am going to post a miniature "Faith-Filled Friday" post every Friday, Lord-willing.

Today's thought:

Often I feel guilty of how much material possessions I have.  To the average American, we don't own a bunch of fancy stuff, nor do we own expensive cars or jewelry.  But to the average person in the world, we are rich. 

Most people in the world live in run down shacks or shanties, and do not have enough food.  Their water is dirty and diseased-filled.  My complaint about the water that comes out of our tap is that it tastes yucky (due to chlorine and mineral deposits).  I find God often convicting my heart that I need to be content with what I have. 

Stop and take time to think of how much pointless time is wasted shopping for meaningless stuff that we end up donating to Goodwill or a similar organization. 

Life is short.  Live simply.  Store up treasures in heaven.

I also want to add one last thing.  As believers in Christ, we are rich in His love, grace, and mercy.  We have the richest reward of all awaiting us:  heaven!  Keeping looking up!

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:  Matthew 6:20 KJV

Anger

This is a very personal post, but I feel the need to share, because I know that someone out there (if not today, someday) will stumble upon my blog in their time of need.  There have been quite a few people out there that have very bluntly and honestly blogged about losing their child.  I want to be as honest ans I can, because the Lord has called me to minister to the bereaved.  In all fairness, only honesty will do.  If I sat here and put an act on and acted like I was strong everyday, I'd be a liar.  The truth is, I am not strong everyday, and though the Lord is my only strength--I still fall short. Though I am saved and forgiven, I'm still a sinful, broken human.  There is NO way I can be strong all of the time.  The past couple of weeks it's been up and down, up and down.  And you know what...that's okay!  It's okay to be broken, to cry, to grieve, to be angry.  What happened to us doesn't seem fair.  But was it fair for Jesus to die for our sin?  Are the bumps in the road in life that we encounter the very least we can endure for the huge price that was paid for us?  I emphatically say YES!
 
About three weeks after Ethan died, both Josh and I went through about a week of anger.  Real, honest, heart-wrenching anger.  I myself wasn't mad at God, I was mad at most everyone else who had all of their children, and yet I didn't.  I know that this sounds selfish, but at the time, it was honestly how I felt.  We are only human, and even those with the most loving hearts can absolutely fall into the depths of very negative, but real, emotions. 

On and of since June 5th, 2010 I have battled feelings of anger, sadness, depression, numbness, etc.  It's a spaghetti bowl of twirled up emotions, some that come and stay for longer, and others that leave quickly. 

I'm finding that about every 6-8weeks now I have what I have termed, "Hard Grief."  This is the grief that sends me into a room by myself, crying and bawling until there is nothing left.  Yes, it has been a year.  No, I will never get over it.  Josh and Evan will never get over it.  But with God's loving grace, we shall learn day by day to get into a "new normal."  The pain will lessen, but never go away.  I think this is hard for a lot of people to understand, who haven't lost a close loved one.

Those of you out there that have lost a child, never feel that it's been too long and you shouldn't cry.  It is certainly and understandably normal to cry.  It isn't normal to cry everyday all day long and never live a newly adjusted life.  In such case, I beg and plead you to seek counsel from a loving pastor or Christian counselor.  Oftentimes, it is very helpful to see advice from a Godly individual that is neutral, and has a heart to help others.  But please know that I still do cry.  Sometimes it is brief and I get on with my day.  Sometimes it's for 30 minutes.  Some weeks I am okay and I don't cry.  There truly isn't a rhyme or reason--but God surely knows our hearts and will wipe away the tears. 

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;  and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain;  for the former things are passed away.  Revelation 21:4  (God assuring us that in the end, when the earth is no more, there will be no more BAD but only GOOD for those who have trusted Him with their lives!)

Is Blogging My Ministry?

The more and more time I pray and seek what God would have me do, the more I feel compelled to blog more and Facebook much less or not at all.  I feel that my family's story, which is among the millions of those that have lost a child, IS important, and it IS for the Lord's glory.

Ethan passed away almost 22 months ago in a tragic accident.  Does the day to day get easier?  That is a difficult question in which I had answered no.  You see, grief does "lift" more often, and there are more good than bad days...most of the time.  However, Josh or Evan or I can have a really spectacular day and then, BAM...emotions come flooding through.

This past Friday at swim lessons (Evan had been enrolled for almost a year now) Evan had another crying episode.  Now I must applaud my son, not to be boastful.  But he sure is one brave young man!  He had been doing so well that he was almost ready to "ring" to the next level.  Over the past three months give or take, he has struggled.  But anyway, back to last Friday morning, he started to cry.  Apparently, one of the little boys in his class told to stop being so whiny/babyish, and poor Evan told him that he's scared because his brother drowned in a pool.  Evan tells me all of this while we are in the dressing room after his lesson.  And then, and this is the heart/gut wrenching/tearjerker:  Evan tells me that his heart isn't the same since Ethan died, and that it feels like it has broken into a million pieces.  My heart sank and I began to cry, and of course, my compassionate son asked me why I was crying.  Huge sigh.  And then he tells me he wants a baby so bad so he can have another brother, or a sister.  Son, I pray for that, and so do many others. 

Not getting pregnant is another struggle for me.  I had sort of found a place of contentedness over the course of the past few days and then this happens last week, among some other things that have triggered my emotions.  I don't understand why Ethan died, why we haven't gotten pregnant after trying for about a year.  The only thing I do know is God has a plan.  It's a good plan, and I need to seek Him, not friends or books or Facebook or anything else but only Him.  He knows the future, and in that future it's all for His glory.  If only I could get my stubborn flesh past my emotions, which are all over the place at times. 

Now back to the title of my blog, which as you have read, hasn't seemed at all to relate to what I have written.  The future that I see is to do more writing, for His glory.  Writing about our grief journey, homeschooling and curriculum we use and what we think, and anything else the Lord lays upon my heart.  And of course, a family update here and there and some pictures of our adventures.

I pray that if my blog has been of any blessing whatsoever to you, that you would kindly tell others who might benefit from what I write.  Thank you in advance for the consideration!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected (hope in your latter end) end.  Jeremiah 29:11

God's Painted Canvas

I must admit, spring time in South Texas after a very rainy winter season is my favorite time of the year!  After being away from Texas the past almost 6 years, I forgot how beautiful Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush, among many other wildflowers, truly are in person! 

Evan and I have been taking short drives through the country after finishing up our school work, and we have thoroughly enjoyed our time seeking out all of the Texas wildflowers.

One particular town that I am so fascinated with (and Evan is too) is Sutherland Springs, TX.  Now, just a drop on the map with a gas station or two, a post office, and an antique shop, this once vibrant town holds so much rich history! 

Of particular interest is the Polley House, located just north of the town, about 3 miles down a county road.  This house dates back to the mid 1800's, and was one of the very first homes ever built in this area!  The gentleman, Joseph Polley,  that built this house and raised his family there was part of Stephen F. Austin's  first 300 colonists in Texas!  Evan and I drove out to see the Polley House firsthand (okay, we have driven out there to it three times!), and wow, the wildflowers out that way are just amazing!  Unfortunately, it appears that the Polley House is not being cared for, and is surrounded by piles of old junk.  It's very sad.  Evan says that maybe we can help clean up and restore the house.  I think that would be nice.  It's truly a beautiful, old home full of history.  I like to sit and stare at the house and imagine what life was like back then, and how many memories were made there. 

This is just some of what we have been up to around here.  I want to encourage mothers to get out and learn the history of the areas near you.  There is history all over the place!  I also want to encourage you all to get out and do nature studies and walks.  Simply walk around your neighborhood, your property (if you live on a farm or land), or a nearby park.  Take in all of the tress, flowers, weeds, insects, etc.  And don't forget a nifty nature journal and colored pencils, as well as a field guide to identify flowers or whatever you are looking to study.  God bless, and happy homeschooling!

*Photos are property of Shannon Wallace and may not be taken from this blog without permission. 

Who Are You Trying to Impress?

Have you ever gone on a cleaning spree a few hours or a day before expecting guests at your home?  Come on, you know that you have!  Haven't we all?  Today while folding laundry in our bedroom, God laid on my heart that He is most important.  What He thinks matters most.  But who are we always trying to impress or make think that we are tidy housekeepers?  Is it our friends, or is it the most important One named Jesus? 

You see, in Proverbs chapter 31 there is a beautiful "instruction booklet" from our Heavenly Father that very specifically instructs us on how to maintain our homes and families.  When we follow His instructions, are homes are not cluttered, we aren't eating the bread of idleness, we aren't anxious and unorganized--THAT is the way He intended it to be!  Not hurried nor worried not getting ourselves into a gossip session with our neighbor or friend, but instead, settled and peaceful.  We are to be peaceful keepers of our home.  When there is peace within us as mommas, we then give our husbands and children a better chance of peace within our home as well. 

But back to my earlier revelation from God.  Imprint this on your mind:  Am I trying to impress God or man?  Are we cleaning our house hurriedly to impress a friend that comes calling, or are we being keepers of our home because God commands that to us in His Holy Word?  Think that over.  Really take time to digest it.  I will be here digesting it alongside with you all!  My heartfelt prayer is that you will choose Him first.  My prayer also is that I can be an encourager to all of my sisters-in-Christ. 

If you don't know Jesus but want to, I am here.  Feel free to drop me a line or two and I'd love to fill you in on the greatest gift on earth!

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up, and called her blessed;  her husband also, and he praiseth her.  Proverbs 31:27-28 (KJV)

20 Months

It's absolutely hard to believe that 20 months have gone by since we last saw our precious Ethan.  It seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like forever ago since we heard his voice and saw his innocent smile. 

Life goes on, but not a day goes by that Ethan's name is mentioned fondly, whether I accidentally call Evan by his brother's name (which, by the way, Evan adores!), Evan talks about his brother, or Josh recalls a memory of our dear son.  We have purposed to never forget him, we still love him, and we still count him as a part of our family.  It doesn't matter if he is with Jesus, he is still our son;  a vital part of who we were, and who we are now as a family. 

Thank you Jesus for our son whom we miss dearly.  Hold us near when we feel faint and weary.  We thank You for the strength to continue, and pray You will send mommies and daddies our way that need us.  AMEN.